Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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