return my video game
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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