Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
the condom got lost in my hair
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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