there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
