Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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