hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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