I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
