he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
