I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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