He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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