whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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