how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
