i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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