i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
