I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
