I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
