My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
