like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
