Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
