You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
