I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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