So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
