College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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