Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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