So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
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