i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
