Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
