we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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