I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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