Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
