hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
