omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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