If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize