Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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