So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize