Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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