So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize