In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
