ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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