Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
