In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
