I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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