I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
