Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize