The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It's like God shit irony all over that family
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
