I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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