Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
