just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
