you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
