i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
