the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
