Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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