I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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