omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
