I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
