captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
