do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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