you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
