dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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