I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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