You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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