This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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