I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
