I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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