Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
