4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Randomize
