she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize