Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize