you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
