Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(708): View more from Illinois

Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy

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(770): View more from Georgia

If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.

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(518): View more from New York

woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so

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(503): View more from Oregon

There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.

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(845): View more from New York

She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.

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(520): View more from Arizona

I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.

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(702): View more from Nevada

Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.

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