No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
