Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
