every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
