You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
