My liver just broke up with me...
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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