im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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